First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
