just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
God, I missed his penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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