Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
