I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
