I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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