Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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