I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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