It's Friday. Sex?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
