I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
