smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize