you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
