This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
