Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
