Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
