I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize