i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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