So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
