It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My life is pants optional.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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