I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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