i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
