Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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