I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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