a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
