i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
