Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
