i don't like sucking hair
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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