I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
