I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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