One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
