So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
