I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
