thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
