Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
