Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
