This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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