why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
