Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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