Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
