If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
