I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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