I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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