ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
