How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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