No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
