So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
