If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
