I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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