just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
