Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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