theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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