Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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