Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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