Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want her autograph on my taint
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
