I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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