Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
