A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
