I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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