fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
