so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
