Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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