So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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