Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
