OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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