Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dignity is for republicans.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize