After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
