We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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