just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize