Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
