I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
