we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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