They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
