I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
