Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
