I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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