at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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