You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
