so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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