plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
