I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
