I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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